Sam & Amanda had their wedding at the Fullerton Arboretum. I can’t pronounce Arboretum. I called it the Fullerton Burrito all day.
It was an incredible day in every way imaginable.
I love you Sam & Amanda. I love you so hard.
To explain the day further and in greater detail (from his point of view), here’s one of Sam’s groomsmen, David Robbins:

What I Think
By David Robbins

Hello. I’m David. You might remember me from such pictures as:
-The one below where I’m lifting up Sam as we’re dancing.

I had the honor to be one of Sam’s groomsmen. By honor, I mean I stalked him for weeks and finally cornered him behind a COSTCO and cried for an hour until he agreed to remove one of his closest relatives and replace them with me. Good choice, Sam. I’m really sorry about your cat.

I’m really sorry this sentence in my story doesn’t make sense but there is this really annoying blonde lady standing near me, yelling on her phone. “No, Gina! I said I don’t want to wear the ‘effin Gucci dress! I wanna wear the Prada! This is why your husband left you for me! Ok. Gotta go. My frappuccino is ready. K, girl. Love you bunches. See you at Bible Study.” That’s what she just said.

Sam and Amanda honestly deserve each other. Actually, I’m pretty sure they won each other in some gamble with the Russian mafia. Either way, I’m glad things turned out the way they did.

As we were standing at the front with Sam, watching Amanda walk down the aisle with her dad, I caught a glimpse of Sam’s face. First, I realized he hid it behind the Super 8 he was using to film her. I LOL’d inside as I imagined a train wreck somewhere near us with an invisible monster bursting through a train car while Steven Speilberg took a bath in his spa filled with money. But what really caught my attention was how hard Sam tried to fight back the tears. Little droplets welled in the corners of his eyes, his lip quivered, and I think he farted. This was a man truly in love with his bride. And it was beautiful. Every single second of it.

We stood under the tree as they exchanged their vows. Amanda swore to love him through sickness and health as they traveled down life’s road. Sam swore that where they’re going, they don’t need roads.

As Pastor Cody pronounced them man and wife, we all stood to our feet and threw tomatoes and ninja stars at them. Just kidding. We clapped until our hands bled. SHUT UP AND LET ME TELL THE STORY!!

At the reception a few speeches were given. A few laughs were had. And we all celebrated (some of us with a little too much gin and tonic) the newlyweds that graced the dance floor with such classic dances as The Robot, Dice-Throwing, and the ever-popular I Don’t Know What The Hell I’m Doing.

Watching them drive off in a Ford Mustang I’m pretty sure was stolen, we all knew they were headed to happiness.
That was further demonstrated when Amanda posted a picture of herself lying on a bed of roses with the caption, “GOODNIIIIGGGGHHHHTT!! :)” on her Facebook.

And so Sam rode his unicorn.
God Bless us, everyone.

I love you guys. More than you know. So much so that I’m moving in with you. I’ve already gotten your bank account numbers and paid some of my bills just to show how committed I am to this relationship. You’re the best. The best I ever had.

-David Robbins